You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
