she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
NoShamevember. You game?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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