these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
