She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
