the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
