I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
