I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
