the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
