Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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