We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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