chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
