I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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