If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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