Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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