I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize