Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
