so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
