A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
