How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
