after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
