I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
