you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
