the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
