For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
