im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
