I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
