I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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