getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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