apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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