I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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