found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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