Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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