11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
