i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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