Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
