I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your cock deserves a montage
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
