I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
