hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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