fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
