And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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