i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
