Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
