everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
