Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
