Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
