drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
