i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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