Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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