I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
