i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
