I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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